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Literature Text
Version 1
I dreamt of you last night.
Without noticing my tears,
I whispered "Goodnight"
as though you were there.
Without noticing my tears,
I bent around your imaginary frame,
as though you were there,
because I forgot that you weren't.
I bent around your imaginary frame
and tried to hold a hand that didn't exist.
I forgot that you didn't. You never did.
You're only a music box melody.
I tried to hold a hand that didn't exist
because loneliness made be believe
that you aren't just a music box melody,
you're real, here, beside me.
Loneliness made me believe
that you were there last night.
You were real, there, beside me
when I whispered "Goodnight".
Written - 4/14/13 @ 9:38 P.M.
Version 2
Unwittingly, in loneliness, I dreamt of you last night.
Without noticing my tears, or the absence of your warmth,
I whispered "Goodnight" into the folds of my pillowcase
as though you were there to hear me mumble in the dark.
Without noticing my tears run through your absent warmth,
I coiled myself in comforters, bent 'round your imaginary frame,
as though you were lying there beside me in the mumbles of the dark.
I had forgotten that emptiness fills the places you are not.
Cold and comfortless, I bent around your imaginary frame
reaching out into the darkness to hold a hand that didn't exist.
Thinking I could find you in the emptiness that fills your place
was naive, wishful thinking. You're only a music box melody.
I tried to hold a hand that didn't exist, grasping blindly in the dark,
because loneliness made be believe that I could reach you last night.
Was it naive to think - believe - that you aren't just a music box melody?
I swear I felt your weight; you were real, there, beside me.
Loneliness made me believe that you were there last night.
Unwittingly and desperately, I dreamt of you.
But, you are real, here, beside me, right? I still feel your weight
when I whisper "Goodnight" to your scent on my pillowcase.
Written ~ 5/15/13 with final touches added on 8/9/13 @ 11:46 A.M.
I dreamt of you last night.
Without noticing my tears,
I whispered "Goodnight"
as though you were there.
Without noticing my tears,
I bent around your imaginary frame,
as though you were there,
because I forgot that you weren't.
I bent around your imaginary frame
and tried to hold a hand that didn't exist.
I forgot that you didn't. You never did.
You're only a music box melody.
I tried to hold a hand that didn't exist
because loneliness made be believe
that you aren't just a music box melody,
you're real, here, beside me.
Loneliness made me believe
that you were there last night.
You were real, there, beside me
when I whispered "Goodnight".
Written - 4/14/13 @ 9:38 P.M.
Version 2
Unwittingly, in loneliness, I dreamt of you last night.
Without noticing my tears, or the absence of your warmth,
I whispered "Goodnight" into the folds of my pillowcase
as though you were there to hear me mumble in the dark.
Without noticing my tears run through your absent warmth,
I coiled myself in comforters, bent 'round your imaginary frame,
as though you were lying there beside me in the mumbles of the dark.
I had forgotten that emptiness fills the places you are not.
Cold and comfortless, I bent around your imaginary frame
reaching out into the darkness to hold a hand that didn't exist.
Thinking I could find you in the emptiness that fills your place
was naive, wishful thinking. You're only a music box melody.
I tried to hold a hand that didn't exist, grasping blindly in the dark,
because loneliness made be believe that I could reach you last night.
Was it naive to think - believe - that you aren't just a music box melody?
I swear I felt your weight; you were real, there, beside me.
Loneliness made me believe that you were there last night.
Unwittingly and desperately, I dreamt of you.
But, you are real, here, beside me, right? I still feel your weight
when I whisper "Goodnight" to your scent on my pillowcase.
Written ~ 5/15/13 with final touches added on 8/9/13 @ 11:46 A.M.
Hey, so this was a Pantoum I did for Intro to Creative Writing: Poetry last semester. I really don't know why I don't upload more of my stuff... Oh, well, I'll get around to it when I have more time, I guess. Since I haven't posted anything new recently, and I might not get around to posting more stuff for a little while, I'm just uploading this now because I felt like it.
For those who don't know, a Pantoum is a poem based in repetition. It's a difficult style of poem to write because the idea is to maintain repetition without being redundant. The form can be a bit restrictive as it can be hard to follow one linear "story" or "idea" in the poem because each stanza is like a link in a chain, and they loop back into each other... For a basic idea on this form, here's how it's supposed to be structured:
Stanza 1: Just write a stanza like you normally would.
Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4
Stanza 2: Now your first and third lines should be based off lines two and four of the previous stanza, but there should be some variation. Lines 2 and 4 of this stanza should be new lines.
Line 2v
Line 5
Line 4v
Line 6
Stanza 3: Typically, this kind of poem needs to be at least 3 stanzas, but it's usually a lot more because it takes a while to actually put anything substantial in the poem because the form requires this recycling repetition. Again, lines 1 and 3 of this stanza should be the second and fourth lines of the previous stanza, but with some variation.
Line 5v
Line 7
Line 6v
Line 8
This continues for as many stanzas as you need. The only stanza that's different from this form is the last stanza. For the purposes of convenience, let's just say this example is a 4 stanza Pantoum. Here's what it should look like:
Line 7v
Line 1v
Line 8v
Line 3v
See how it loops back to the first stanza? Essentially, your poem is like a chain-link bracelet, each stanza connects to the stanza before and after it.
I have two versions of this. First, because we were required to do at least two versions for the class, secondly, because the first one is kinda sucky. I do like the way it sounds, and in places it's a bit better than the second version, but it's also lacking in variation. It was really hard to express what I wanted in this poem, especially because I was trying to keep it short. I could have tried to make it longer, but when I actually tried to do that for the second version, it got really convoluted and kind of lost the mood... So, yeah, all in all, this was a tough one, but I finally put the finishing touches on it so it's ready to share.
Comments and critiques are always welcome!
So, my primary inspiration was actually this song. I cried the first time I heard it, and I still cry when I listen sometimes... Sorry, I can't find a video with this voice and lyrics on-screen... so here are the English lyrics.
Sleeping soundly, I have a dream
Of your profile
Without noticing the overflowing tears
That are running down my cheeks
I've hidden the heartrending
Throbs that are in this chest
Last night, Good night
Last night, Good night
This night, I'll hold your
Hand tight and go to sleep
Good night
It'd be wonderful if I could
Spend morning with you once more
I just wish even such a small
Hope can be made a miracle
As it is, I can't convey anything
So I can't say goodbye
Last night, Good night
Last night, Good night
Even if this voice dies
The melody won't fade
Last night, Good night
Last night, Good night
When I think that the end
Will arrive someday
That's when I hope that the
Night sky will keep your smile
Good night
So, yeah, that song itself is pretty sad. But, intertwined with the sadness I felt from the song, there were other sources of sadness that I wanted to express in this poem. Another part of the inspiration for this (like many of my works) is Richter Abend... This poem could be read from his perspective as a mourning poem for Aster. But, even beyond that... It's also a poem about how I feel for Richter.
Yes, I know it's a ridiculous notion to a lot of people, but I'm in love with Richter Abend. I'm sure normal people would find this admission absurd, but I have no shame in admitting it. I used to hate myself for that... I have always had the habit of bonding with fictional characters so deeply that most people consider it unhealthy. But this poem is sort of my way of accepting that part of myself. Consciously, I know that the person I love really isn't a person, that he can't love me, and that a "relationship" like this is "a waste of my time and affections" and it "just makes me look crazy". But knowing this doesn't help the way I feel, and once I realized this, I abandoned that logic altogether. I found other people who feel the exact same way. I found other ways in which "normal people" make the same mistakes, like falling in love with celebrities. Merely existing in this world as an actual human being does not make a person any more of a tenable love interest than a fictional character... So, when I discovered I wasn't alone, I was able to rationalize what I really mean to express to people. I do not love the actual "Richter Abend" - that would be merely loving an organization of pixels on a screen and clips of dialogue that belong to another person entirely... What I love is the character of Richter Abend, the qualities he embodies, the morals he upholds. Fictional people are still people, they just fail to occupy a singular body. I believe that all fictional characters have a root in the real world. I could go on and on about why I believe this, but the simplest answer would be this: All fictional characters exist because real people created them. Real people draw inspiration from other people, from their own lives, and use this inspiration to create a character that represents some interpretation of reality. Fictional characters are just "Baroques" of real people. (To people that have never played Baroque, I use the term "Baroque" in this context: A Baroque is a manifestation of an individual person's skewed reality. Any philosopher could tell you that a singular "absolute" reality does not exist. Reality is relative to each person. Two people witnessing the same event will think, feel, and react differently. There is no objective "reality", not, at least, in any way that humanity can firmly prove and understand. We can never directly perceive an absolute reality, because there is always some degree of interpretation in every event. I could go on about this forever, but I won't, because I'm sure there are really only 2 people still reading this, and they totally get what I mean...
)
So, loving an idea isn't really so wrong, is it? People often say they have a "type". That's not so different, is it? The only real difference is that my type is highly specific. The closer a person is to embodying most or all of the qualities Richter represents, the more romantically inclined I'd be toward them. But, the fact that I can conceptualize what such an entity would be like, loving that concept is no different from loving the idea itself, is it? And really, even if it's "wrong", and a "waste of time"... loving Richter has never been detrimental to me. If I can use what I feel for him as motivation, comfort, and support, what's so wrong with that? If what I feel for him also makes me cry sometimes, that's still okay, right? Saying it isn't okay to cry over someone who doesn't exist is like saying it's not okay to cry because someone died. Their body exists, sure, but it won't forever, and the "person" is gone, so... why are you crying? The person just fails to exist, that's all... I hate that logic. People exist in relation to other people. For all you know, I could be a highly sophisticated AI program that just spits out words in a logical order... Like Cleverbot, but better But the fact that you can interact with me, share thoughts and ideas, that makes me a person. Just because I don't have a physical shape here on the internet doesn't mean I don't exist somewhere. Just because someone died or was never alive to begin with does not mean they don't exist. They exist in people's minds and hearts, within people's memories and imaginations...
And, crying because I know Richter won't ever exist isn't a waste, either... If it is, then people who cry because they can never achieve their dreams are wasting their tears, too... It's exactly the same... But, hey, I don't just sit around every day and cry because Richter doesn't exist and never will. I find ways to make him exist for me. I write about him, I emulate him, I do things to keep that memory of him fresh and new. I leave evidence in the world, with my art and writing, that his character exists in my heart. And maybe, someday, I'll find someone in the real world who's as much like him as possible... and all my feelings for Richter will transfer over to that person... Really, when you have no one in your life to give affection to, is it so wrong to create someone fictional to fill that void and keep you sane? Is it really better to try to fill that gap with unhealthy relationships with random people just because they're "real"? Sure, I have friends I can be affectionate with, too, and they fill plenty of the void. But they aren't with me 24/7, and it would be wrong of me to expect them to be. So when I need comfort in the middle of the night, is it so wrong for me to use Richter? It's just so obvious to me that everything I'm doing is what's right for me. I'm sad that some people don't understand people like me and why we do what we do, but knowing there are people out there that understand me completely makes me feel validated when I say "I love Richter. He's not real, but that's okay."
Also, a final inspiration for this poem, my friends here on the internet. ~ShadowedLightning and ~VaatisCloudy... I love you guys so much... Sometimes it hurts to know that I can't be with you all the time, to support you when you feel down, or to have you with me when I'm the one going through a rough spot. The fact that we all don't have the luxury of being able to run into the open arms of our most beloved friends whenever we please is heart-wrenching, to say the least. Humans are social creatures, we need other people to function. Sometimes, the people who are the most important to us are the ones that are the hardest to reach. I really want to meet you guys in real life someday. You guys are always here for me, even though you're not always available to talk... So even though it makes me sad that I can't just reach out and hug you when I'm feeling lonely in the middle of the night, I'm happy that my words can reach you, even when my body can't... I love you guys so much... and I can't stop crying...
But it's okay... They're mostly happy tears... 
For those who don't know, a Pantoum is a poem based in repetition. It's a difficult style of poem to write because the idea is to maintain repetition without being redundant. The form can be a bit restrictive as it can be hard to follow one linear "story" or "idea" in the poem because each stanza is like a link in a chain, and they loop back into each other... For a basic idea on this form, here's how it's supposed to be structured:
Stanza 1: Just write a stanza like you normally would.
Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4
Stanza 2: Now your first and third lines should be based off lines two and four of the previous stanza, but there should be some variation. Lines 2 and 4 of this stanza should be new lines.
Line 2v
Line 5
Line 4v
Line 6
Stanza 3: Typically, this kind of poem needs to be at least 3 stanzas, but it's usually a lot more because it takes a while to actually put anything substantial in the poem because the form requires this recycling repetition. Again, lines 1 and 3 of this stanza should be the second and fourth lines of the previous stanza, but with some variation.
Line 5v
Line 7
Line 6v
Line 8
This continues for as many stanzas as you need. The only stanza that's different from this form is the last stanza. For the purposes of convenience, let's just say this example is a 4 stanza Pantoum. Here's what it should look like:
Line 7v
Line 1v
Line 8v
Line 3v
See how it loops back to the first stanza? Essentially, your poem is like a chain-link bracelet, each stanza connects to the stanza before and after it.
I have two versions of this. First, because we were required to do at least two versions for the class, secondly, because the first one is kinda sucky. I do like the way it sounds, and in places it's a bit better than the second version, but it's also lacking in variation. It was really hard to express what I wanted in this poem, especially because I was trying to keep it short. I could have tried to make it longer, but when I actually tried to do that for the second version, it got really convoluted and kind of lost the mood... So, yeah, all in all, this was a tough one, but I finally put the finishing touches on it so it's ready to share.
Comments and critiques are always welcome!
A bit of background on the inspiration for this poem
So, my primary inspiration was actually this song. I cried the first time I heard it, and I still cry when I listen sometimes... Sorry, I can't find a video with this voice and lyrics on-screen... so here are the English lyrics.
Sleeping soundly, I have a dream
Of your profile
Without noticing the overflowing tears
That are running down my cheeks
I've hidden the heartrending
Throbs that are in this chest
Last night, Good night
Last night, Good night
This night, I'll hold your
Hand tight and go to sleep
Good night
It'd be wonderful if I could
Spend morning with you once more
I just wish even such a small
Hope can be made a miracle
As it is, I can't convey anything
So I can't say goodbye
Last night, Good night
Last night, Good night
Even if this voice dies
The melody won't fade
Last night, Good night
Last night, Good night
When I think that the end
Will arrive someday
That's when I hope that the
Night sky will keep your smile
Good night
So, yeah, that song itself is pretty sad. But, intertwined with the sadness I felt from the song, there were other sources of sadness that I wanted to express in this poem. Another part of the inspiration for this (like many of my works) is Richter Abend... This poem could be read from his perspective as a mourning poem for Aster. But, even beyond that... It's also a poem about how I feel for Richter.
Yes, I know it's a ridiculous notion to a lot of people, but I'm in love with Richter Abend. I'm sure normal people would find this admission absurd, but I have no shame in admitting it. I used to hate myself for that... I have always had the habit of bonding with fictional characters so deeply that most people consider it unhealthy. But this poem is sort of my way of accepting that part of myself. Consciously, I know that the person I love really isn't a person, that he can't love me, and that a "relationship" like this is "a waste of my time and affections" and it "just makes me look crazy". But knowing this doesn't help the way I feel, and once I realized this, I abandoned that logic altogether. I found other people who feel the exact same way. I found other ways in which "normal people" make the same mistakes, like falling in love with celebrities. Merely existing in this world as an actual human being does not make a person any more of a tenable love interest than a fictional character... So, when I discovered I wasn't alone, I was able to rationalize what I really mean to express to people. I do not love the actual "Richter Abend" - that would be merely loving an organization of pixels on a screen and clips of dialogue that belong to another person entirely... What I love is the character of Richter Abend, the qualities he embodies, the morals he upholds. Fictional people are still people, they just fail to occupy a singular body. I believe that all fictional characters have a root in the real world. I could go on and on about why I believe this, but the simplest answer would be this: All fictional characters exist because real people created them. Real people draw inspiration from other people, from their own lives, and use this inspiration to create a character that represents some interpretation of reality. Fictional characters are just "Baroques" of real people. (To people that have never played Baroque, I use the term "Baroque" in this context: A Baroque is a manifestation of an individual person's skewed reality. Any philosopher could tell you that a singular "absolute" reality does not exist. Reality is relative to each person. Two people witnessing the same event will think, feel, and react differently. There is no objective "reality", not, at least, in any way that humanity can firmly prove and understand. We can never directly perceive an absolute reality, because there is always some degree of interpretation in every event. I could go on about this forever, but I won't, because I'm sure there are really only 2 people still reading this, and they totally get what I mean...
)So, loving an idea isn't really so wrong, is it? People often say they have a "type". That's not so different, is it? The only real difference is that my type is highly specific. The closer a person is to embodying most or all of the qualities Richter represents, the more romantically inclined I'd be toward them. But, the fact that I can conceptualize what such an entity would be like, loving that concept is no different from loving the idea itself, is it? And really, even if it's "wrong", and a "waste of time"... loving Richter has never been detrimental to me. If I can use what I feel for him as motivation, comfort, and support, what's so wrong with that? If what I feel for him also makes me cry sometimes, that's still okay, right? Saying it isn't okay to cry over someone who doesn't exist is like saying it's not okay to cry because someone died. Their body exists, sure, but it won't forever, and the "person" is gone, so... why are you crying? The person just fails to exist, that's all... I hate that logic. People exist in relation to other people. For all you know, I could be a highly sophisticated AI program that just spits out words in a logical order... Like Cleverbot, but better
But the fact that you can interact with me, share thoughts and ideas, that makes me a person. Just because I don't have a physical shape here on the internet doesn't mean I don't exist somewhere. Just because someone died or was never alive to begin with does not mean they don't exist. They exist in people's minds and hearts, within people's memories and imaginations... And, crying because I know Richter won't ever exist isn't a waste, either... If it is, then people who cry because they can never achieve their dreams are wasting their tears, too... It's exactly the same... But, hey, I don't just sit around every day and cry because Richter doesn't exist and never will. I find ways to make him exist for me. I write about him, I emulate him, I do things to keep that memory of him fresh and new. I leave evidence in the world, with my art and writing, that his character exists in my heart. And maybe, someday, I'll find someone in the real world who's as much like him as possible... and all my feelings for Richter will transfer over to that person... Really, when you have no one in your life to give affection to, is it so wrong to create someone fictional to fill that void and keep you sane? Is it really better to try to fill that gap with unhealthy relationships with random people just because they're "real"? Sure, I have friends I can be affectionate with, too, and they fill plenty of the void. But they aren't with me 24/7, and it would be wrong of me to expect them to be. So when I need comfort in the middle of the night, is it so wrong for me to use Richter? It's just so obvious to me that everything I'm doing is what's right for me. I'm sad that some people don't understand people like me and why we do what we do, but knowing there are people out there that understand me completely makes me feel validated when I say "I love Richter. He's not real, but that's okay."
Also, a final inspiration for this poem, my friends here on the internet. ~ShadowedLightning and ~VaatisCloudy... I love you guys so much... Sometimes it hurts to know that I can't be with you all the time, to support you when you feel down, or to have you with me when I'm the one going through a rough spot. The fact that we all don't have the luxury of being able to run into the open arms of our most beloved friends whenever we please is heart-wrenching, to say the least. Humans are social creatures, we need other people to function. Sometimes, the people who are the most important to us are the ones that are the hardest to reach. I really want to meet you guys in real life someday. You guys are always here for me, even though you're not always available to talk... So even though it makes me sad that I can't just reach out and hug you when I'm feeling lonely in the middle of the night, I'm happy that my words can reach you, even when my body can't... I love you guys so much... and I can't stop crying...
But it's okay... They're mostly happy tears... © 2013 - 2024 Goron-King-Darunia
Comments3
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First of all, very nice. 
Second of all... I agree, it's no weirder to love (truly love) a fictional character than it is to love a celebrity. Or, hell, to be in love with a person who is in love with another and thus will never love you the same way you love them. There's all kinds of situations in reality where a person is in love with somebody they can't have that don't involve death, so I don't get how it's weirder to love a fictional person.
Especially as, like you said, they can embody aspects we admire and appreciate. Personally, I feel like when you fall in love with a fictional character you're loving them because they embody those aspects you already have a, perhaps subconscious, desire to find in a real person as it is--so you just happened to find them in a fictional person before finding them in a real person. Perhaps it's a combination of physical and mental and personality traits that they embody, perhaps it's one or two traits that you're strongly attracted to. I just feel like, when you come to deeply appreciate a fictional character, it's because you already have that longing in your heart for whatever aspects of the fictional character caused you to fall in love with them.
So, I really don't see how it's super weird.
Also, SOMEDAY. SOME DAY I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOU FACE TO FACE, TO BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU A GIANT HUG AND BAKE YOU A FUCKIN' CAKE (because cakes are what I bake best lol) AND STUFF. I love you, and always will, and I just want to give you hugs when you're having a hard time even if I'm not around because I'm having my own problems. 